I cant sleep...but i am tired.
whenever this happened, I will say all nasty thing... I said i will changed! I did see the pattern of Satan work! he using the same old thing to poke and make me irritated... Ya the same old trick that i fall over and over again! When will i be numb with all this that is happening...why does it matter so much to me! whatever ppl like to do or how they going to live their live does nt really matter to me! so what's if the plan was not the one planned! so what if they just wan to change the plan! , they will if their heart wanted no matter what.. there is always excuse for everything.
so what if i hate the ways... why cant I stop caring!....maybe i always took everything as what was said.. maybe it is impossible to have a brand new start! maybe Satan hated it so much when we get together to do thing for God... that's why we always end up doing nothing...

I just noticed that every time, we settled the problem.. but different situation with the same old reason happened. it like always happened! one go by feelings, other go by steps...one tend to forget, the other remembered the useless promises and stuff... dun know why God let them work together... just felt that i m the burden.. demanding alot.... living in standards....

I m tired. I lost of word cos it always happened to certain point I am totally hopeless toward it. though it might be a small matter...but i just don't like that feeling... but nothing i can do,
I am just living in their flow of lives, accepting the changes that they changed to suit their need. too shui bian to extend thatI was seem unbothered by it.. Why I need to think so much to suit everyone, when human are just so self center afterall... what's the point to do my best to make everyone happy... I will try my best to do the thing other wanted to..n i dont mind doing.. but who will do what i wanted to do... just a simple request! that might make me happy for day, other didnt bother to do...sometimes, i wanted to ren all down, but i dunno why i cant. if only i can, everyone will be happy.

tmr has to prepare words.. thought of goin somewhere quiet to prepare.. cos my room is not a good idea. xiner and huiwen doubt they will sit there with me.. ah mei sick... vens need to study for exam..the rest have their own live... everyone are just busy... and I really didn't bother to ask cos i don't like to be a burden to others, i scared my hope are broken again. you might me think i m making a big fuss over small matters.... i wish i didn't. Lord, tell me what's wrong with me? I need you! I m disappointed and hopeless over this world, take me to you Lord. Let me dwell in your love... just stop me from hurting ppl ard me, or just remove them so they might be happier. though thing happened, i was sad. but I want to Praise you forever and ever.... thank you for everything.

i m tired Lord... I hope i can sleep...I really sad Lord... noone is in wrong.. that's human nature...but what's can be done to make it better? ....